In this blog post, I am
supposed to talk about which method of adoption I agree with most. The truth is that I am on the fence a little
bit after our guest speakers. If I was
asked this question a week ago I would have 100% agreed that open adoption is
the route to go in the adoption process.
The problem with that now is that I don’t know if I can pick one side or
the other. Mary said something on
Wednesday that was kind of eye opening to me in terms of open adoption, she
stated that open adoption seems to have an effect that makes the birthparents
feel better about their decision, not on the child’s overall best
interest. I think that she made a very
valid point when she said this. In an
open adoption there is always some hope somewhere in the birthparents hearts
that they may somehow, someway be a part of that child’s life. Though some birthparents expectations of the
end result are much lower or higher than others; I could imagine that there is
some sense of relief that you will someday be able to reach out to your child
or to knowing that they will most likely know that you exist. In Mary’s case the expectation of her
birthmother was more than she was willing to give. So in this case open adoption turned out to
be somewhat of an annoyance in the end for the child.
On the other hand, I can’t
agree with closed adoption 100% either.
If I were to put myself in the shoes of an adoptee, I would have a hard
time knowing that I may never know where I came from whether I wanted to know
or not. That choice of knowing is
automatically taken away from a child at birth with a closed adoption. I can’t really say which one I agree with
over the other because each person takes to the fact that they are adopted in
different ways. But I do think the child
should be able to have some rights in the end.
All the rights are given to the birthparents and that doesn’t accomplish
much in the end if the child wants to know their families past but aren’t
allowed to do so. The only suggestion
that I can offer is trying to incorporate the best of both somehow. Giving more rights and knowledge, but
preserving the right of a birthparent if they so choose. There is a reason that this class on adoption
is incorporated into an ethics class, no matter what side you choice someone in
the end will be unhappy. But I think in
this case more emphasis needs to be place on the child’s rights starting at
birth.
Lisa R
Lisa,
ReplyDeleteI definitely agree with you and felt the same both before and after hearing Mary and Linda speak. Going in, I also thought that an open adoption would be the best route. Today, it seems that most birthparents choose this option. I am sure however that in the 60s this was highly uncommon. A moment that stuck out to me on Wednesday as well was when Mary stated that an open adoption seems to be about the birthparents feeling better about their decision, rather than the best interests of the child. However, I did not get this sentiment when we heard from Steve a few weeks ago, so it must vary case by case, or perhaps his relationship is one that is out of the norm. I also found it interesting when Mary stated that she felt like she owed something to Kath, which I think would be a common feeling to have in that situation.
I agree that there needs to be a compromise on both ends of the spectrum. This is why I think Linda’s ideas on adoption were important: once adulthood is reached, to have an open adoption, regardless of what the original stance was. I think that all adopted children should have the write to search out their birthparents, if they so choose, and unearth their medical records.
Kelly Butorac