Blog Post #3, Option #1-Julie Thurmes

Blog Post #3, Option #1

I found Jen and Steve’s story to be an incredible one. In our class we have talked about how adoption works and how people process adoption, but it was incredibly different to be hearing it in person from two people who had actually experienced it. They both supported and contradicted some of my beliefs about the introduction process of an adoptee to their birthparent.

One way in which my previous view of the reunion process was supported by the speakers was that the father, Steve, had a difficult time getting access to his daughter. This is in line with the articles on birthfathers’ perspectives that we had read for class. The article written by David Mendoza mirrored some of the same views and struggles that Steve had encountered, that birthfathers have almost no rights. David Mendoza stated “I basically pleaded with her [birthmother] to let me have the baby,” but he did not have that right as a birthfather and the decision to let his baby be adopted was up to the birthmother (David Mendoza, pg. 78). Though Steve decided to find his daughter later on in life, he still had to follow the birthmother’s wishes, as David had. Steve had to ask for permission to contact his daughter from many different people including the birthmother. Steve seemed frustrated with this process and I felt that I personally could better grasp that frustration when listening to him rather than simply reading about it. I found it very interesting that to this day birthfathers are still being treated in such a manner.

Though much of what was said fit my beliefs on birthfathers and adoptees, there were some surprises. In class we have read many case studies where things have gone terribly wrong during the adoption process that I was beginning to feel like a happy ending for all involved may be more rare than I had previously thought. Steve and Jen reassured me that, though there are some difficulties with reuniting, it can be a positive experience. I thought it was wonderful how easy it was for Jen and Steve to talk to each other and how comfortable they were with their relationship. At one point Steve said, “we are so comfortable, and I am thankful for that.” I think him saying this speaks volumes about the stigmas attached to this process, that such a relationship is considered rare.

 

Julie Thurmes